Combat Negative Thinking

Negative thinking, in all its many forms, has a way of creeping into our conversations without us even noticing. In the same way as we have behavioural habits, we also have thinking and speaking habits. How often do you say things like ‘I’d be no good at that!’ or ‘What’s the point, it won’t work out anyway!’ or ‘Did you see the state of her?’

Learning to spot these virus-like thoughts and squash them like bugs by replacing them with positive thoughts will make a huge difference in everything you do.

Here are 8 patterns of negative thinking that we can all slip into.

1. I will be happy when.......

If you think you won’t be happy until you have achieved something (e.g promotion) or have something (e.g. a car, a certain income, or the ideal partner), you will never be happy. It will always be over the horizon, you will always want more.

Now there is nothing wrong with having goals and dreams and working towards them, but not at the expense of putting off living fully or being fulfilled until some point in the future. You have to learn to be happy with what you have, where you are, and who you are, right at this moment. Life is about the pursuit of happiness, it is not a destination. Gratitude is a great way of ensuring we live in the present moment. Make a list of everything you are grateful for and everything that you have achieved to date. There will be more on it than you think!

2. I wish I were like.......

We’ll never be as beautiful as the airbrushed model in the magazine, or as talented a golfer as Tiger Woods. If you look hard enough there will always be someone better. When we compare ourselves to others like this, we will always feel bad about ourselves. This is no recipe for self confidence or happiness.

Stop comparing yourself to others, and look instead at yourself, your strengths, your accomplishments, your successes. The only comparison that is ever valid is between where you are now and your potential.

3. Being resentful and jealous of other people’s success

We all like to be a tall tree in the forest. Some people will be the tall tree because they build themselves up through education, hard work etc. Others will be the tall tree because they knock everyone else down. This sort of thinking assumes that only a small number of people can be successful. It is a scarcity mindset.

Learn to admire the success of others, and learn from it. Also remember others are probably looking at you and admiring your success. From a global perspective there are millions of people worse off than you, people who couldn’t read this article or afford a computer. In that light, you are a huge success.

4. I’m useless, I can’t do anything right

Everyone has failed, many times, at different things. Focusing on your failures as failures only makes you feel bad about yourself. You will never move forward.

Look back on your life, in the last month, or year, or 5 years. And try to remember your successes. There will be plenty. It could be big successes like becoming a parent or passing your driving test or seemingly smaller successes like helping out a friend, organising a holiday or a party. Noting your successes in a journal is a great way for boosting self esteem.

5. Why do bad things always happen to me?

Life has its ups and downs and we all experience ‘bad’ things. Dwelling on them, only frustrates us.

Suffering is a part of the human condition, but it passes. Ask yourself ‘what am I learning from this?’ Often when faced with the toughest challenges we learn about ourselves and our inner strength.

6. You’re useless....

How does saying something negative to another person help either person? It doesn’t. Yes, we can give feedback in a constructive way, but running someone else down, is a lame way for us to feel better about ourselves. It keeps you in a negative mindset, and it is certainly not a good way to develop relationships.

Instead of telling someone they’re no good at something, offer some specific suggestions for improvement. Help them get better. If you are going to take the time to make a comment, make it worth your time. Try to interact with people in a more positive way, it makes others feel good and it makes you feel better about yourself.

7. Up yours too!

Responding to anger with anger only creates more anger. Insulting someone back only transfers their problem to you.
It takes practice but let the insults and negative comments of others slide off you like Teflon. Don’t let their problem become yours. Having a little empathy for someone can make you feel and act in a positive manner towards them and you will feel better about yourself in the process.

8. I don’t think I can do this.

If you don’t think you can do something, you probably won’t. Negative thinking prevents us from accomplishing anything.

Turn your thinking around: ask yourself ‘what’s the worst that can happen?’ or ‘why not give it a go?’ If you fail, learn from your mistakes, and try again. Instead of putting a goal off for later, start now. And focus on one goal at a time, putting all of your energy into it, and getting help and support if you need it.

Negative thinking is a virus. You won’t rid yourself of negative thinking overnight. The next time you hear yourself pass a negative comment or put yourself down, see it for that it is - a bad habit. And like any habit you change it with self awareness and conscious effort.

 

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