The F Word

Conquer your fear of failure

Exclusive extract from Graduate to Success

Failure, the 7 letter ‘f’ word. Fear of failure, the great disabler. Isn’t it time you conquered it once and for all? Few people achieve success without failing along the way. Why? Because failing is an integral part of learning. Most people experience some failures in their lives, but do you view failure as a reason to give up, or do you learn from it and try again?

 

‘A life of unbroken success is not only impossible; it’s probably not even good for you.’

Lance Armstrong

 

Thomas Edison viewed the 2000 failures he experienced en route to inventing the light bulb, as 2000 successes, because he had eliminated another way of not inventing the light bulb. A result other than the one you expected could be a window of opportunity, a signpost that offers a path to even greater success.

 

A key difference that distinguishes successful people from the also-rans is their mindset in terms of dealing with failure. When successful people fail they search for causes not excuses. Successful people learn something about themselves; they chalk it up to experience and move forward. As Shakespeare said ‘there is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so’. Working towards achieving your goals and encountering failure, but picking yourself up and moving forward to try again can be tough, but unless you are willing to persevere and acknowledge the gift of wisdom contained in your setback, you will not achieve what you want to achieve.

 

As tough as it can be to start again after a failure, the real beast to watch out for, the real disabler that will prevent you from even starting to work towards your goals is Fear of Failure.

Fear of failure paralyses. For some, fear of failure means they will never take a risk or a chance in their entire lives. If you don’t risk looking ridiculous, feeling awkward or inept sometimes, you may retain your feeling of security, but you will never grow. By avoiding failure at all costs, you are also avoiding life’s richness. And what is the worst thing that could happen? It is not about being right; it is about putting your hand up and asking the question, it is getting in the game in the first place. Which is greater the pain of risk or the pain of regret?

 

Failure can be liberating! Many people have grown emotionally and even spiritually by experiencing failure, it literally gives them a new perspective on life. Learning and growing from your experiences is the key. Ask yourself what is the gift of wisdom that I can learn and use, that is concealed within this failure. Use this learning. Don’t let the failure define you or debilitate you. And most importantly don’t let it stop you from moving forward. Not trying is the biggest failing of all. Remember Rocky, no matter how many times he was knocked to the canvas, he just made sure he got to his feet one more time.

 

Fear of failure can hamper us in so many ways. Suppose you want to make some sales calls. For some people, the fear of failure and in particular the fear of rejection will prevent them from picking up the phone. But what is the worst that could happen? Think of it this way, you currently don’t have their business. If you ask them for business and they say no, then you still don’t have their business. So what is the difference? The only difference is how you process and respond to what happens. The only real failure is never picking up the phone.

 

“Do the thing you fear, and the death of fear is certain.”  Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

Knowing you have failed at something is only temporary. Quitting is long term. Failure is redeemable, being a quitter is not. You can make mistakes, even some big ones along the way and still prevail. You don’t need a perfect record. It is what you do 80% of the time that matters.

 

‘You don’t win or lose, you only choose to learn, grow and develop as a person, or you choose not to.’

 

 Here are 6 questions designed to shake up your beliefs around fear of failure:

 

• What have been your greatest failures?
• What lessons or gifts of wisdom have you gained from these experiences?
• What are you still fearful of?
• How worrying are your problems when you are not thinking about them?
• What has your fear of failure prevented you from doing in the past?
• What would you embark on now if you knew you could not fail?

 

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