Barriers to Listening

Revolutionise your Communications

The best communicators are the best listeners. The best conversationalists are the best listeners. All complaints and conflicts arise because someone feels they have not been listener to. The number one reason why employees leave companies is because they don’t feel appreciated and they simplest way to make others feel valued and appreciated is to actively listen to them.

Here are the 12 common blocks to listening:

Comparing

Comparing yourself to the speaker and your experience/knowledge etc. with theirs.

Mind Reading

Trying to figure out what the speaker really means, rather than listening to what they are actually saying.

Rehearsing

Rehearsing in your own mind what you're going to say as soon as you get the chance.

Filtering

Only listening for certain things, ignoring the rest and letting your mind wander if you don't hear what you want or expect.

Judging

Judging what the speaker says, rather than listening in an open non-judgemental way.

Dreaming

Only half listening, then allowing your own related thoughts to take you into a daydream.

Identifying

Identifying with what they say and referring it back to your own experience e.g. "You think that was bad, wait till you hear what happened to me!"

Advising

You quickly spot the problem that the speaker is relating and you want to jump in and tell them how to put it right.

Sparring

Jumping into the conversation as soon as you disagree with what you hear.

Being right

You don't listen to anyone else because you are already right and don't want to be challenged on anything.

Derailing

You suddenly changing subject when you get bored or uncomfortable with the topic.

Placating

Responding by saying whatever you think the speaker wants to hear

If you want to enhance your listening skills, it requires conscious effort. Select one or two of the blocks to listening and consciously be aware of when you slip into them. Awareness is of course the first step. With listening and communication skills in general, the more you resist the temptation to shine in the other person’s eyes the more you will actually shine.

Source: Adapted from "Messages" by Matthew McKay, Martha Davis & Patrick Fanning

 

Want to use this article on your own website or e-zine Find out how »